Tuesday, 5 October 2010

[GUIDE] How to Get Drunk SUPER FAST and SAVE LIVES at the SAME TIME!

So. Let's say you like getting drunk a lot. Let's also say you fancy yourself a bit of a hero and would like an opportunity to go "Yeah, just saved some lives the other day. Feels good man."

Well now you can do both all in the same day! How you ask? Just give blood!

First let me explain a bit about how you actually get drunk.

When you ingest alcohol, the ethanol in said alcohol passes into the bloodstream, causing alcohol intoxication, or drunkenness. It is at a certain percentage that you start feeling drunk, and this is what we are going to use as a basis for the guide today.

The human body contains 8-10 pints of blood. For this guide, let's say 10 pints.

Say you normally get absolutely wankered off two bottles of vodka, a bottle of wine and a six pack of beer, and you plan to get absolutely wankered today. Let's do the maths!

Note: If maths isn't really your thing - when you give blood, to get the amount of drunk you'd normally get off two bottles of vodka, a bottle of wine and a six-pack of beer, you'd only have to buy the two bottles of vodka and the bottle of wine, because the same amount of alcohol is going into LESS blood, increasing the blood-alcohol ratio. Money saved! You can skip to the word of warning at the bottom now. :)

The maths bit: 

30 (units in vodka) x 2 = 60

30 (units in wine) = 30

12 (units in 6 pack) = 12

So it normally takes you 102 units altogether to get satisfactorily trashed, so let's divide that by 10 to give us a golden figure of 10.2 per pint of blood.

Now let's say you've just given blood and want to party hard - you've lost a pint of blood so let's do the maths!

If you divide 102 by 9 instead of 10 this time, we get a golden figure of 11.3.

I'll now show you what this actually means by adding up the golden numbers per pint for both 10 pints of blood (10.2) and 9 pints of blood (11.3) until we get to 102 (the agreed number of units it takes to get nicely hammered without giving blood).

10 Pints   |    9 Pints
             
10.2        |       11.3
20.4        |       22.6
30.6        |       33.9
40.8        |       45.2
51.0        |       56.5
61.2        |       67.8
71.4        |       79.1
81.6        |       90.4
91.8        |       101.7
102         |         -

See that? If we get 101.7 (which is the closest to 102 we're gunna get) and take 91.8 away from it (the 10-pint equivalent at this stage), that leaves us with the SAME amount of drunkenness in 9.9 less units of alcohol. That'll save you from having to buy that 6 pack of beer! Extra money in the bank!

A word of warning though, and you won't just hear it from me - you're not really supposed to drink alcohol for 24 hours after you've given blood, and it's pretty much for the reason I've just given throughout the entire guide. You get drunk easier, which means you're more likely to get alcohol poisoning, etc etc.

So if you're going to do this (or just drink excessively in general), make sure you look out for yourselves and be careful - I wouldn't want any harm done to my wonderful readers. :)

Hope you enjoyed today's guide! I read all of yesterday's comments (like I always do :)) and have taken into consideration all of the guide ideas, and plan to eventually write you guys up a guide for each suggestion you've made - you might recognize this guide from one of them... ;)

Until next time,

Paynesdown :)

74 comments:

  1. Haha, that was a good read :P

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  2. Are you a wizard? That is some amazing findings.

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  3. Oh my god! I can't stop laughing! What a great guide XD Looking forward to the next

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  4. well if i mever bored after i give blood... thanks for the tip

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  5. How to get drunk super fast? Open up any alcoholic drink and chug it, drunkenness achieved.

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  6. Lol wow that was really interesting to read

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  7. haha thats funny time to go donate some blood

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  8. haha i like.

    just donated blood a couple weeks ago, shouldve tried this

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  9. Honestly when I give blood I already drink.....

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  10. Some retard is going to die after this :DD

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  11. too bad i fucking hate needles. also giving blood hurts more than getting shots! >:|

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  12. Funny, I gave blood the other day...

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  13. as someone who used to work blood drives at my college, I can attest to this fact

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  14. I'll take a Bloody Mary. lol

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  15. Did you think/write that all by yourself? Wow, awesome. I lmaod

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  16. Lmao, this is actually a really good idea, aside from the health factors, I can totally see how this would work.

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  17. Interesting.. I'll have to take this to the bar

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  18. drink less get drunk more..LOVE IT

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  19. I enjoyed your point of view in this post

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  20. also make sure you drink on an empty stomach =)

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  21. I never thought of that haha. I enjoy giving blood and being drunk so this is a win =D

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  22. this works, tried it out myself, it is tough to keep awake if you have a really late night

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  23. Need to actually try this when I drink and save lives XD

    http://quarterqwerty.blogspot.com/

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  24. lol I'm amazed you had time for this.

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  25. I will be the thriftiest hero ever!

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  26. Awesome post. I always heard about guys who go out running to get dehydrated so they get drunk faster, but giving blood? lllllol.

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  27. I liked your perspective in this one... I'm going to have to agree with you

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  28. Holy shit, its also easy to get a bottle of 151, and chug it for 2 seconds without chase, BAM!

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  29. I don't think i can do that math when i'm drunk

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  30. Ha I might try it next time i'm goin on the piss :D

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  31. Could be a good way to get chicks AND be drunk at the same time "Oh yea, I'm a blood donor, wanna go back to my place and maybe I'll donate some of my other body liquids to you. Wink wink!

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  32. Love reading your blog man :) this is really interesting

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  33. Hahaha, this is great! Love this kind of posts, keep 'em coming

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  34. hahaha i love this, nice tips!

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  35. Sell some blood buy some booze

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  36. Strangely enough, my mother informed me of this trick. She talked about how she would go straight from the blood bank to the booze shop in her college days, using that hard-earned blood cash to fufill her drinking needs, with less drinks required. I'd be more worried about collapsed veins from giving blood too often than alcohol poison, if you watch yourself that is.

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  37. Wow I think I might give blood now!
    Mesty =)

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  38. Ive seen somthing like this before click. click..

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  39. If I drink that much alcohol my brain would throw up its hands and say, "fuck this shit", yes my brain would grow hands by that point.

    Good idea anyway, I wouldn't mine tossing a few back after donating next time.

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  40. I liked what you said on my blog earlier today... GTL and blogging FTW!

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  41. like ur blog man
    supportin

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  42. Interesting post. However I won't be doing this. Lol

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  43. Who needs a liver anyways.

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  44. thanks for this post, i usually don't touch alcohol. but if i ever do. i will try this

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  45. haha yeah. I've never actually seen anyone do calculations on it, so it's funny that you have.

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  46. Keep up the good work! If you like bubbles, check out my other blog, Enhanced by MS Paint!

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  47. Great post! Following your blog!

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  48. that's a unique perspective on it!

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  49. never really made a connection between giving blood and alcohol. be responsible everyone!

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  50. Lol this made me laugh, saving lives and saving money, this is such a brilliant idea, it would work perfectly! I love it

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  51. I knew that would work!!

    S!

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  52. I don't drink. How does this apply to me? :D

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  53. @Nikola I don't think it does lol

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  54. what bout directly injecting the alcohol into your blood stream? i remember that did the trick for me once

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  55. When it comes to your post, GTL can also stand for "Great Thoughts at Length"... keep it up!

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  56. This is relevent to my internets

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  57. Nice guide man. xD The math is all legit, too.

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  58. Ugh, I swore I would never get drunk after the last time I did. Reading the guide brought back horrible memories. Good guide though.

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